I woke up before my husband's alarm and came blurry eyed into my office. I stole lightbulbs from the spare bedroom to brighten the overhead and keep the too early dark out.
I woke up this morning and immediately read Lucille Clifton, and listened to June Jordan and Sonia Sanchez and lit an incense that was too loud for my nose. A poet can only pillow fort away for so long. Can only hide for so long. Can only pretend not to be afraid or overwhelmed or grieved for so long.
I woke up and did the thing and I'll dance or crawl or cuss my way into the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea. I will briefly envy the people who are not called to do this. I will envy the folks who don't have to create, and worship, and read, and cry, and tarry, and feel and create, and feel, and make themselves into something constantly.
I will hug my husband and see him off to work, I will pray my body holds up to do a fraction of the things whirling through my mind. I will light the candles, make the breakfast, refill my water tumbler. I will be present. I will cocoon back into the covers when I need to. I will rest my body and try not to feel guilty for it. I will probably fail but new tomorrows happen every day.
I will nap or scroll social media too long or over do my spine, or my energy; or my fever will come back, and I will cuss and possibly stomp my feet but lately I haven't had that type of energy to spare. I will take the medicine. I will track down the medicine I ain't got.
I will find a smile somewhere. I will dislodge a laugh from a corner of the room or between my couch cushions. I will write my gratitude. I will if history is any indication go to bed and feel like I didn't do enough things, didn't accomplish much. A sliver of me will know that's a lie. But for right now I am fine with the fact that I woke up and did the thing.
P.S. If you don’t already have a copy of my poetry collection Low Bridge High Water signed copies are available here you can also grab a copy on Lulu
Beautiful! I hope you felt as inspired writing this as I did reading it. ❤️❤️
Great read!! Thank you for always sharing yourself with us so authentically. You are loved, appreciated and so inspiring.